I stood looking out the window, staring blankly at the crashing lightning and pouring rain. The coffee I sipped was not doing its job. I pushed back the stray hairs out of my face. My face was wet from the tears. The smell of rain was I could sense. I was numb from the heartache. I placed the coffee cup on the counter and turned away trying to control my emotions.
All I could thing about was him. What had happened? We seemed so great together. The rain and storm was perfect for my mood. When I closed my eyes, I saw him. Making the pain ever worse. He stood there in my thoughts making me second guess myself and filling me with self-doubt. The sky grew dark, as the storm raged on. I have to concentrate on healing myself she told herself. I have to get him out of my thoughts somehow.
I was healing at last. Or I thought I was healing. It was peaceful now, the storm had passed and now the sun was out. My grief for the relationship was mine and mine alone. I had to heal or I would go insane. At least, I did not have people telling me how great he is. Everyone was leaving her alone in her heartache.
I went through the motions of each day. Slowly, starting to feel how the days made her. The general emotional numbness was going away. I am going to live again, she told herself.
I took a walk outside, maybe some interaction would help me. I sat down on a bench and watched the world go by. I dug my toes into the cool sand as I walked, breathing in the fresh morning air. I went up to the rock I watched as couples, children, and people with dogs passed by. It was so nice to get out of the house and away from some of the pain.
I wrote down how I felt and let all the pain and anguish out. It soothed me. I made myself not to think of him. His love had seemed so real, so genuine. All the memories rushed over me. And I burst into tears again.
That night, I on the porch, sipping a glass of wine. Twilight was my favorite part of the day. And as the sky changed colors and the clouds were a bright white. My focused on positive things, not him. He was there again, in her thoughts, as if waiting for her to reach out to him.
A week passed like this. Every day the pain got to be less of a burden and the memories started to fade some. Time would heal this wound but the hurt was still there. No matter how many distractions there were, His memory remained.
I have made a decision she told herself. It was my last day she was going to feel the pain. I decided that it was not worth dwelling on and over-thinking what had happened. All she knew for sure was that he had walked out and was not coming back. I am going on with my life because this love was not meant to be. My positivity is back and time to live my life.
I will go on was her mantra. She repeated it over and over until it sank into her thoughts, knowing that life sometimes was not fair but it would go on.
A lot of time had passed for her now. It has been a year. The pain was long gone along with the self-doubt and self-pity. I have moved on and will not look back. Suddenly, tears filled her eyes. She gave in to one last crying session before she moved on. A single tear rolled down her cheek, remembering all the great times. But life brought healing and I have to move on.