Weighing the Cat – Poem by Debra Sherman

My cat weighed in at 13 pounds,

much too fat, too pudgy, too round!

The vet says ten pounds’ll be just right.

Based on what?  Her age?  Her height?

My cat’s been fat for 15 years,

and I can’t see how that’s gonna change.

But I’ll give it a try, do the things that he says,

and maybe she’ll land in that range.

I’ll cut out the treats and tidbits,

and keep an eye on her food.

‘Can’t take away the tuna-juice, though,

cuz that would be, well, just rude.

I decide to start with a weigh-in

at home, on my regular scale.

She knows something’s up and runs from me,

so I snatch her by the tail.

I’m trying to get her to sit there,

stay still while I read her weight.

But she struggles and keeps escaping,

‘seems she’s refusing to cooperate.

Finally I get her to stay there

long enough to get a read.

Thirteen pounds, my scale confirms,

my, she is fat, indeed.

I’m sweating now and exhausted

from wrestling with this cat.

When  suddenly, I get a phone call

and it’s advice I get, about that.

“Just weigh yourself first on the scale,” he says

“Then pick up the cat and weigh again.

Subtract your weight from the combined weight,

and you’ve got it – it’s easy…”

…that’s when…

I hang up the phone in horror,

embarrassed beyond belief.

I wonder now how I’ve made my way in this world

so air-headed, and ditzy…good grief!

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